Ally's #12: When Sinners Say I Do by Dave Harvey

"What we believe about God determines the quality of our marriage."

Most couples, after three months of dating, are still getting to know one another. Jim and I, in contrast, said "I do." A brief engagement meant a condensed version of pre-marital counseling, but what was instilled in us at that time was a perspective of sanctification--of continuing to grow in our understanding of what marriage is supposed to look like and how God wants the gospel to permeate every aspect of how we relate as husband and wife. I don't think I really understood the importance of that perspective and what it meant until sin made an attempt at pushing Jim and I apart.

What I appreciate about this book is that it focuses on the fact that we are sinners, plain and simple. It's not about love languages or meeting each others needs; it's about loving each other by combating sin together. I'm not a perfect being, placed in this marriage for the sake of fixing all the things that are wrong with my husband. I'm a sinner, and unless I recognize the impact my sin has on our relationship and take responsibility for it, I will end up being my husband's enemy instead of the helper God designed me to be (Gen 2:18). Likewise, if I'm not willing to offer grace and forgiveness when my man messes up, we'll grow stagnant and bitter instead of moving forward and deeper in our relationship.

Recently, I've come to realize that I was leaving the gospel out of our marriage almost entirely. I was operating out of fear instead of love and basing my value in works, thinking that if I did everything right, I would earn my husband's love. The flip side of that is if I did anything wrong, I felt I forfeited my right to my husband's love. If that sounds pretty jacked up to you, it's because it is!

The author, Dave Harvey, does a great job of relating Christ's work on the cross back to marriage. He talks about sin, grace, forbearance, forgiveness, and the like, weaving together the gospel and sound theology in with helpful stories, examples, and profound excerpts from other Christian scholars. I don't know about you, but I have to preach the gospel to myself every day, and I STILL forget how repentance, grace, and forgiveness can impact my marriage. If you have similar struggles, than this book is well worth the time and money (it's about 1/2 price on Kindle).

Ally's #11 Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

I have to give the Bronte sisters a round of applause for having much more substance, mystery, and strange twists to their stories than Jane Austen. If Austen's books are "Days of Our Lives," then Wuthering Heights is "Jerry Springer." It is dysfunction to an unbelievable degree. It's filled with abuse (physical and verbal), revenge, family infighting, broken marriages, unrequited love, and more. I had to plow through 90% of this book before the dreariness and churning hatred began to lighten up.

The story is told from the point of view of the head maid, Mrs. Ellen Dean. She recounts the story of the inhabitants at Wuthering Heights and Thrushcross Grange for the new tenant of her master, Mr. Heathcliff. There are so many characters and names that overlap, that it would be confusing for me to comment on too many aside from Mr. Heathcliff. They all, however, seem unfortunately drawn and bound to him like mice to a trap.

Heathcliff is rescued as a boy on the streets of Liverpool by Mr. Earnshaw, the patriarch of Wuthering Heights. Heathcliff is brought home, taught English, and enjoys a childhood equal to the Earnshaw children. He is especially close with Catherine, whom he loves, but is considered unworthy to marry because of the mystery behind his extended family and his darker features (his country of origin is never mentioned, but Mrs. Dean suspects he may be Spanish). All spirals out of control within the family once Mr. Earnshaw dies and his eldest son turns on Heathcliff.

If there's one word I had to choose to describe the majority of the characters, it is venomous. The Earnshaws are infamous for their raging tempers, complete lack of manners, and insolence. It broke my heart to see characters with so much potential for goodness sucked into the swirling vortex of animosity. In spite of his love for Catherine, Heathcliff's final plot is to break the spirit of her daughter. In doing so, he is able to exact revenge on a number of parties and secure for himself the wealth of two separate families. He is a man of deep anguish until the end, when it is suggested that he is visited by the ghost of the love from his youth. His death is unremarkable, but marks a sigh of deef relief for the handful of characters that survived his tyrannical rule.

It's an intense, but riveting read. I highly recommend it!

Ally's #10: Mansfield Park by Jane Austen

This is my second Jane Austen book of 2012. While Mansfield Park had the same soap opera feel of young people battling for each others affections as Emma, it brought up two interesting themes that endeared me to this book more so than the other. The first is of blessings that flow from opening one's home to a child in need. The second theme seeks to answer the question: what does a morally upright woman look like?

Lady Bertram is the wealthiest of three sisters as the result of an extremely advantageous marriage. Her sister, Mrs. Norris, married a clergyman, but quickly became a widow. Her other sister, Mrs. Price, married a drunkard who is apparently a frisky fellow, as they have heaps of children. Desperate and pregnant with her umpteenth child, Mrs. Price writes to her sisters entreating them for assistance. Mrs. Norris, a wretched woman with a knack for getting everyone to do everything for her (but taking all the credit for it) manages to trick the Bertrams into taking in one of her sister's kids to offer some relief to the ever growing Price family. What got Mrs. Norris on my bad side right off the bat was how snotty she was and how she looked down so harshly on her niece, Fanny, whom she claimed to love too much to ignore. Make me vomit, Aunt Norris...you are NOT genuine, and you are NOT nice. Sir Thomas Bertram, also had a slight case of my-poop-doesn't-stink syndrome at the beginning of the story:

'There will be some difficulty in our way, Mrs. Norris,' observed Sir Thomas, 'as to the distinction proper to be made between the girls as they grow up: how to preserve in the minds of my daughters the consciousness of what they are, without making them think too lowly of their cousin; and how, without depressing her spirits too far, to make her [Fanny] remember that she is not a Miss Bertram. I should wish to see them very good friends, and would, on no account, authorize in my girls the smallest degree of arrogance towards their relation; but still they cannot be equals. Their rank, fortune, rights, and expectations will always be different. It is a point of great delicacy, and you must assist us in our endeavors to choose exactly the right line of conduct.'

My, how Mrs. Norris took that last request to heart. I'm sure Sir Thomas regretted the day he ever asked Mrs. Norris to be his conscience. For years, she berated, belittled, and criticized her niece for anything and everything, real or imaginary. Ugh, by the end of the book I really hated her character, and it became evident that her relatives also found her insufferable. I think she's horrid, with a capital H-O-R-R-I-D.

Fanny, the eldest daughter of the Price brood, becomes the youngest among the Bertram children (two boys, two girls) by several years. I would liken her personality to a frightened little bird. Scared to open her mouth, scared to disappoint, and scared to appear ungrateful, Fanny tries to fade into the background of life at Mansfield Park, the expansive mansion her generous relatives call home. Her cousin, Edmund, an observant and compassionate young man, recognizes the deep sadness she feels over being suddenly removed from her family and becomes her friend and confidant. It is Edmund's kindness, above all, that fuels Fanny's heart throughout the book.

Fanny Price as the ultimate under dog. She's convinced of her own inferiority and so humble that she struggles to ever exert herself. Though considered quite ignorant and lacking manners upon her arrival at Mansfield, Fanny grows into a beautiful young woman in appearance and in spirit. She is patient,virtuous, considerate, and sacrificial. She becomes an indispensable companion to Lady Bertram and her relatives (minus Aunt Norris) begin to take notice of her character and actions, both of which are beyond reproach. Everyone pats themselves on the back for their part in bringing her up and giving her the environment that would produce such happy manners, but using that same logic, one wonders how the three eldest Bertram children fell so short of the propriety and humility demonstrated by Edmund and Fanny. The girl that nobody wanted is a true gem compared to her elder female cousins.

To say much more would kill the drama and suspense of the story. I will finish by saying that Lady Bertram and Sir Thomas wind up loving Fanny like their own daughter and don't regret the day they brought her home to live with them.

Ally's #9: The Island of Dr. Moreau by H.G. Wells

This was a thoroughly creepy read. The book follows Edward Prendick, and Englishman who thrice managed to be adrift in the Atlantic in the course of one year. The first was due to a shipwreck that would leave anyone with PTSD, the second due to being the unwanted guest of a drunkard captain, and the third was self-inflicted out of utter desperation to get back to "humanity."

Just when you think poor Edward's troubles couldn't get any worse, they get significantly worse. From nearly dying of thirst and starvation on the seas, to being on the brink of offering himself to the sharks after just two days back on land, the reader witnesses several occasions where Edward is ready to toss in the towel and prays for his own death. There is a great deal of death in the latter half of the story, though Edward comes out unscathed. Some of the death is caused by him directly, but much of it is a result of the island instinctively imploding on itself.

Dr. Moreau, an infamous biologist and megalomaniac, has sought refuge on a tiny island in the Atlantic where he can find peace and privacy for his progressive experiments of "re-shaping" animals into human form. He has a partner, Montgomery, who seems just as mesmerized by the doctor's power as the creatures they create. Some are crosses between animals (though not by breeding--think instead of grafting a tree branch), while others are a single species altered to walk upright and to speak. Despite his relative success at playing God and making man out of beast, there is one area he can't affect in the manner he desires:

The intelligence is oddly low, with unaccountable blank ends, unexpected gaps. And least satisfactory of all is something that I cannot touch, somewhere--I cannot determine where--in the seat of the emotions. Cravings, instincts, desires that harm humanity, a strange hidden reservoir to burst forth suddenly and inundate the whole being of a creature with anger, hate, or fear.

In short, Dr. Moreau couldn't transplant a human soul into the creatures he was ripping to shreds and then piecing back together (all while conscious, of course).

To keep his creations from acting out and reverting to their animal instincts, Moreau trains them to abide by a number of laws. If a law is broken, the penalty is to return to Dr. Moreau's work station, dubbed "The House of Pain," for further alterations. If the disruption is severe enough, the creature will be killed as an example to the others. They both feared and worshipped Dr. Moreau. But once the creatures saw that their "god" was a feeble man, all hell broke lose.

I don't want to give away more than I already have, but I will end with a disturbing quote from Edward Prendick, who managed to make his way back to England after a tumultuous and frightening year.

My trouble took the strangest form. I could not persuade myself that the men and women I met were not also another Beast People, animals half wrought into the outward image of human souls, and that they would presently begin to revert--to first show this bestial mark, and then that.

Ally's #8: The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle

After the emotional roller-coasters of my last two books, I decided to give my brain a rest by turning to my old favorite, Sherlock Holmes. This collection of twelve short stories of the adventures of Sherlock and Watson ends with a bang--or rather, a plummet--where Sherlock defeats the most dangerous criminal he's ever crossed. What makes Professor Moriarty the greatest danger to society in Sherlock's mind is the fact that he has so many secretly doing his bidding that it's nearly impossible to trace any crime back to Moriarty without finding yourself dead somewhere along the way. It's unusual to catch Sherlock demonstrating fear, as he can typically smell danger from a mile away, but with Moriarty, we see Sherlock a little more vulnerable than usual.

What really struck me when reading this portion of the series are the uncanny similarities between Sherlock Homes and character Gregory House of the medical diagnostic series, House. From the mysteriousness of their skills of deduction, to their need to use assistants as sound boards as they walk through the facts, to their lack of "people" skills, the two seem to have been formed from the same mold.

I think my favorite story from this collection was "The Yellow Face." It was about a husband and wife who are happily in love until a secret pushes them apart and drives the husband mad. The secret moves in to the cottage just down the road, and despite his wife's pleas, Mr. Munro can't control himself any longer--he has to figure out who or what his wife is hiding and won't wait until she's ready to tell him the truth. Munro finds that a young, African-American child is living in the cottage, his wife's child from her first marriage to a wealthy man in Atlanta. Mrs. Munro feared her child would be rejected by her new husband, but couldn't suppress her motherly affections for her daughter any longer and desired to have her close. This is how Mr. Munro responds as he scoops the little girl up in his arms to take her home:

I'm not a very good man, Effie, but I think I am a better one than you have given me credit for being.

Not only did it melt my heart, but his words cut deep and made me question how often I underestimate my husband.

I think the Sherlock Holmes series, like the Chronicles of Narnia, will be a series that I will revisit again and again, though the former I might not read to my kids until they're a little older!

Ally's #7 So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore

For a while, I was too insecure about what people might think of me reading this book to actually buy it. I knew I really needed to see what Beth had to say, but made excuses because I didn't want what I read to force me to deal with some of my junk. But God knew my tendency to hide, and gave me grace and the opportunity to go through this study in a group setting where I could not ignore or avoid what was uncomfortable. Our group at PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel--Fort Riley) hasn't even had a chance to discuss chapter one yet, and I've already plowed through the book. That's how good this book is, and that's how much I needed to hear what Beth had to say--all of it.

Several things hooked me right off the bat. First, Beth's writing style is witty, powerful, and encouraging. A number of times, I felt like her words were hijacked straight from my brain...from somewhere in the deep recesses where I really don't want anyone to venture, myself included. I felt exposed, yet empowered. Second, Beth said this is the closest things she's ever written (or ever will write) to an auto-biography. I was intrigued to hear more about her past and was curious to see what this women, who epitomizes Christian womanly I've-got-it-all-togetherness, had to say about insecurities. How much, after all, did she really have to be insecure about? I barely made it through the first chapter before comparing myself to her (sound familiar?) and wondering if her pains were as deep as mine or if her insecurities as difficult to shake as mine. Here's what she says:

I'm a common woman sharing common problems seeking common solutions on a journey with an uncommon Savior.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter who Beth is, who I am, or whether or struggles align. What matters is that we have Jesus, an uncommon Savior who is the only source of the security we are seeking. This book addresses the topic of insecurity so thoroughly and holistically that I don't really know where to start. Beth discusses insecurities that are rooted in unhealthy view of men, cultural pressures, lies we believe about who we should be, insecurities in our relationships with other women, and how we seek the face of God to find relief from the mess. To put it succinctly, Beth's goal is to help readers realize that we place too much of our identities (which should be wholly in Christ) in things that only make us feel worse about who we are. It's a vicious cycle, and Satan loves when we get stuck in it.

Ladies, there is so much insight within these 350 pages that I'd be hard-pressed to sift through all of my highlights to give you the best nuggets. Please, just take my word for it. And men, don't think this book wouldn't be helpful for you. Have you ever been confused by a woman's response that seemed a little insane or crazy and didn't understand where all the emotions were coming from? Don't blame it on estrogen, blame it on insecurities. Yup, we're jacked up, but there are ways you can help and encourage us in our jacked-up-ness. If you love us, please read this book.

I want some soul-deep security drawn from a source that never runs dry and never disparages us for requiring it. We need a place we can go when, as much as we loathe it, we are needy and hysterical. I don't know about you, but I need someone who will love me when I hate myself. And yes, someone who will love me again and again and again until I kiss this terrestrial sod good-bye.